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When our children were very young, before they went to bed on Christmas Eve, they would put out some traditional treats for Santa by the fireplace – a glass of sherry and a mince pie, and a carrot for the reindeer – just as I had done back in the 1960s. Then, during the night of Christmas Eve, their mother and I would place the presents under the Christmas Tree and I added something that my own parents used to do; I would take a pair of house-slippers, dust the soles with talcum powder, and make white snowy footprints from the fireplace to the Tree and back. Then, we would take a quick swig of the sherry, a bite out of the mince pie and the carrot, and leave a little note from Santa that always said ‘thank you for the snack for Rudolph’ and it was time for bed. It never failed to work! The next morning, we would hear shrieks coming from the drawing room as the children stared in wonder at the fake snow footprints.
This Christmas, I have noticed how my grandchildren are growing taller but also getting smarter. After all, unlike our children, they seem to have been born already clutching their smart devices! Anyway, a few days before Christmas, on one of our regular FaceTime chats, I saw my 8-year-old grandson looking a little sheepish. He had good reason to look that way as his mother explained to us how he had grandly announced to his younger sister and brother that Santa simply did not exist. As it says in Revelation 8:1 – “There was silence in heaven for about half an hour.” Now, my son-in-law is very resourceful and I was delighted to hear of Edward’s re-conversion a few days later: my daughter and son-in-law’s house has cameras on the exterior doors and, Edward being a boy who likes to know everything, checked the recording from Christmas Eve…only to see (as he described in excited tones) “the back of Santa with a sack of presents grandad!”
Balance had been restored to the universe!
As all of you in this church and online know, families can be complicated. All of us have some experience of family life; for some of us, especially at this time of year, such remembrances fill us with great joy. For others, it is a time to forget difficult memories. Families are complicated. Some of us grew up in broken homes or abusive homes; some of us grew up under difficult circumstances; even those of us who had selfless and loving parents remember the times when things went awry.
Jesus was born into a human family just like that. His family was complicated too. The circumstances of his conception before Mary was married to Joseph; the decision of Joseph not to cause Mary disgrace but to still take her as his wife; the long and difficult journey to Bethlehem; being homeless at the time of the birth; then King Herod’s rage and infanticide against all the little boys in Bethlehem, resulting in the Holy Family fleeing to Egypt and becoming Refugees and then Asylum Seekers, before their return back to Nazareth. Yes, families can be complicated, but growing up in one is where one learns what it is to be human.
Our Gospel story, today, echoes the story of the boy Samuel in the Temple: From our first lesson, “Now the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and with the people.” And from our Gospel reading, “Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.”
Significantly of course, like Samuel the boy Jesus discovers himself in the Temple – God’s house – where he engaged with the teachers of the law. Luke gives us this delicious and beautiful insight into the life of the Holy Family while Jesus was still a boy. It also reminds us that Mary and Joseph were no longer refugees or asylum seekers – they had a home in Nazareth; Joseph had a trade, and Jesus would become known as the ‘carpenter’s boy.’ And note, too, that there is a wider family and lots and lots of friends. When I was a boy myself, I was always surprised that Mary and Joseph left Jesus behind in Jerusalem and did not notice that he was missing for a whole day, and that it took two more days to get back to Jerusalem; I used to think that it was a good job that the Temple didn’t have social workers attached to it! However, the Hebrew People were originally nomadic tribes – it was kind of in their blood to go on journeys in large numbers and for the children to be cared for by wider family and friends. What we should reflect on is the interplay between the Child Jesus, the Temple, and his family from Nazareth and the fact that Jesus is found ‘on the third day’ – a detail charged with extra meaning for us.
First, we discover the strength of emotion shared by Mary and Jospeh as Jesus is scolded by them: “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.” They love him; Mary and Joseph love him. Jesus’ response is also charged with emotion; he is growing up and he knows what he wants to do; he answers them like any adolescent might answer you and me; “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
After this exchange, Luke tells us that Jesus went back with them to Nazareth and was obedient to them. What is Mary’s response to all of this? It is the same response when the shepherds had left her all those years ago in Bethlehem: “His mother treasured all these things in her heart.”
As many of you know, Alison and I are adoptive parents. Our children did not have the best start in the world and were placed into foster care at a very young age. As I said earlier, families are complicated and so are adopted families who often have to deal with what is generally termed ‘attachment disorder’ where the child struggles to trust or even discover a deep and meaningful relationship with a parent. As they grew older, some of the trauma of our own children’s early years began to surface and it was only then that a wise social worker introduced us to what is called ‘therapeutic parenting.’ It originated in an incredible book by the American clinical psychologist Daniel Hughes beautifully titled Building the Bonds of Attachment – Awakening Love In Deeply Traumatized Children. It was an eye-opener for me to learn that there was a more empathetic and therapeutic way of parenting than the way I had learned from my own parents, my teachers at school, or even other social workers. It was hard, hard work, and I realized only too often how I had learned this new approach a little late in life. Nevertheless, it opened my eyes to new possibilities – that the family would still be complicated, but it could be formed with unconditional love at its heart.
What is the Incarnation if not God’s therapeutic parenting of his deeply traumatized children – you and me – humanity that has struggled since the fall. And God parents us not through setting rules, through punishments, consequences, or even reward tables, but by becoming a child himself in Jesus Christ; living among us in a human family; discovering the hurt and the pain of so many human souls in need of love. God builds the bonds of attachment by attaching himself to us through the Word made flesh. This, in turn, leads us to a new way of living – to become members of the family of God where God awakens a kind of love in us that counteracts the often-traumatizing relationships that we have in this world. It helps us become real and, as I said at Midnight Mass, being real means being true to ourselves; and being true to ourselves means opening ourselves up to God’s presence in our lives. Jesus reveals all the fullness of God to us, but he also reveals the fullness and the potential of our humanity.
Writing to the clergy last week, and thinking about what it means to be an adopted child of God, Bishop Mary said this:
Everyone belongs to a family, although the configuration of what might be meant by family changes in different periods of history and in different cultures…No one reaches human fulfillment all by oneself, totally alienated from others. If there is anything that a reflection on the notion of family will tell us, it is that we need other people in order to be fully ourselves.
Or, as Paul said in our Epistle reading today: “Bear with one another…and…Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”