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The Second Sunday After The Epiphany
God, whose Son our Savior Jesus Christ is the light of the world: Grant that thy people, illumined by thy Word and Sacraments, may shine with the radiance of Christ’s glory, that he may be known, worshiped, and obeyed to the ends of the earth; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord, who with thee and the Holy Spirit liveth and reigneth, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
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The Second Sunday After The Epiphany
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A Sermon by
The Rev. Canon Carl Turner
✛
"For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…”
audio_file: 411888
A sermon preached by the Rector at a special service of Thanksgiving for Marriage
Let me begin by sharing a poem by the late Seamus Heaney. He wrote this poem for his wife after they had had a disagreement. He titled it, Scaffolding.
Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;
Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.
And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.
So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me
Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
Those of you who are builders, architects, or even do it yourself enthusiasts will know of the importance of scaffolding; those of us who live in New York live with buildings surrounded by scaffolding constantly – they are erecting it at the moment next to the Rectory building. For those who do not live in New York, this is because of a New York City law The Facade Inspections and Safety Program which came about after the dangers of living in a high-rise city became apparent as bits of old buildings started falling off! So, in some respects, when our marriages need repair, scaffolding can be very useful! But, if you who are involved in the teaching profession, then you will be used to using the word scaffolding as a term to describe the teaching method of giving appropriate support to a student, according to their abilities, in order to help them learn. That kind of scaffolding is something that couples also need in order to grow; from their family and friends; from their priest or their doctor; and from one another.
43 years ago, the, then, Prince of Wales married Lady Diana Spencer. I remember the occasion well – I had just graduated from college and wedding fever had consumed Great Britain. I also remember the first words of the Archbishop of Canterbury’s wedding homily: “Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made,” he said. And, of course, we discovered after several years that it was not a fairy tale at all and, constantly under public scrutiny, became a marriage stifled by the very people who were initially enthralled by the fantasy of it all.
It is so easy for couples to fall in love and, consumed by that love, to attempt to live in a kind of fairy-tale existence. How many times have I asked a very young couple what they think will change during their life together, only to hear the beautiful but completely impractical answer of (usually a young man) “Oh, nothing at all!” whilst the other partner looks on adoringly.
Change, of course, is the very thing that every married couple has to face. It does not matter how quiet the wedding is; I discovered that in the State of Colorado, you do not even need a wedding officiant or witnesses to get married! It doesn’t matter if it is just the two of you, or it is a Royal Wedding watched by millions; the fact remains that marriage changes things, and that change can be a gift if embraced by each of the spouses. It was Saint John Henry Newman who famously said “To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often.” Adapting to change is one of the keys for stability in married life, and a means to growth. Sometimes, though, change can bring threat, and sometimes marriages fail. Divorce does not end a marriage – it is the public and legal proclamation of something that has ended some time before. In the same way, the marriage rite is a rite of passage – the public and legal acknowledgement of something that already has happened – two people falling in love and committing themselves each to the other.
The preface to the marriage service from our Prayer Book states that “The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.”
Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.
Christian marriage is not, therefore, just a legal contract; there is a difference between Christian marriage and Civil marriage for the reasons expressed in the marriage preface – our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence. In a few moments, I will invite any married couples present to stand and renew their vows. That renewal will be followed by a blessing; Jesus is present in a mystical way and blesses the couple who dedicate themselves not just to one another, but to God, and to their life in the community.
Have you ever noticed when a couple come into a room who are very much in love – it’s often very noticeable when they have first met, but it is the same with couples who have been together for 50 years. Something in the room changes. Their presence somehow brings stability and joy to the room. Oh yes, they may have been through the mill! They may have faced terrible times together; they have had to cope with all manner of change; but there is something about their relationship that brings joy and hope to the room. That is why I was so pleased when the Episcopal Church chose as the title for its resources for the introduction of same-sex marriage a quotation from the Book of Genesis, when God made a covenant with Abraham and said, “I will bless you, and you will be a blessing.” (Genesis 12:2) That is what I am talking about – that is, a fundamental change that happens when two people marry – that they are not only blessed by God, but that their relationship will be a blessing for others.
Our scripture readings today, often read at weddings, remind us of all of these themes. Our first lesson is an unashamed love poem charged with sexuality; Paul’s letter to the Corinthians reminds the community of the power of true love – of love centered on the presence of Jesus: “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” And in our Gospel reading, Jesus gives his disciples a manifesto of the Kingdom of God that shows that this way of love is a way that can change the world through living a life that is truly blessed.
Each married couple present today, and those online, will have faced change. Some of that change will have brought a blessing; some of it may have brought despair. At this point in my homily, I want to acknowledge those people present and those online who have lost someone that they love, either through death, or perhaps through the awfulness of dementia or a disease like Alzheimer’s. I have always marveled at couples who have continued to be a blessing to others through extraordinarily difficult circumstances. If you are one of those people, Jesus is close to you now – his presence has not left you. For some of us, our marriages may very well end with our partner struggling to remember who we are; yet all that we share, and all that we have been; and all that is yet to be, is enfolded in the love of God in Jesus Christ. That is why, in the traditional marriage vows, the couple say this:
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
And in whatever way the death of the marriage comes.
They say that as couples spend more and more time together, they become more like one another, even looking like one another! Certainly, we recognize the mannerisms, the turns of phrase, the loves and the hates of our partners. We write a kind of language together that is just our own.
Let me end by sharing a poem by the Californian poet, Dana Gioia. Its title is,
Marriage of Many Years
Most of what happens happens beyond words.
The lexicon of lip and fingertip
defies translation into common speech.
I recognize the musk of your dark hair.
It always thrills me, though I can’t describe it.
My finger on your thigh does not touch skin—
it touches your skin warming to my touch.
You are a language I have learned by heart.
This intimate patois will vanish with us,
its only native speakers. Does it matter?
Our tribal chants, our dances round the fire
performed the sorcery we most required.
They bound us in a spell time could not break.
Let the young vaunt their ecstasy. We keep
our tribe of two in sovereign secrecy.
What must be lost was never lost on us.
